In our hectic society, it's difficult finding time to pray. I'm sure even Jesus would have had trouble getting away to pray, what with all the media appearances he would have had, Larry King interviews, blogging, Facebook status updates, etc. All the things that make contemporary American life meaningful.
But prayer, though an antiquated little gesture of religiosity, still has its place, particularlly for old-school types who may have grown up in the church and, therefore, feel guiilty if they don't pray much. Fortunately, there is high-tech help.
InformationAgePrayer.com will pray for you. Out loud, even. You subscribe for a low monthly fee, and each day, a computer will voice your prayer. So you can be sleeping, or reading TMZ, or playing Guitar Hero, with the comforting knowledge that your prayers are still getting verbalized, albeit by a computer-generated voice.
The lowest-priced prayer--a mere $1.99 a month--is a daily prayer for your children. It goes like this:
May God shine His face toward you and show you favor.
May God be favorably disposed toward you and grant you peace.
May God bless you and watch over you.
Amen
I'm sure harried parents forget to pray for their children sometimes. But now, you can rest assured that the above prayer is going straight to God every single day, so that you can focus on other things, like soap operas. You could even buy a subscription for a new mother as a baby shower gift.
For a mere $4.95 a month, you can pray for health, and in this case, the prayer is quite a bit longer, which no doubt increases God's responsiveness to it. And for a limited time, you can get a bulk-prayer discount--five get-well prayers each day for only $9.95 a month. Sign up for a year--that's five prayers a day, for 365 days (computers don't take a day off)--and you get the last month free!
There is even a prayer for luck, as you stop by Handy Dandy and buy lottery tickets.
"Master of Heavens and Lord of Earth, who grants favor to his creations, may You favor my choices. May You guide me down the correct paths in life, and may You grant divine aid in all my doings. May I merit blessings and success, so that I may continue to walk down Your path and serve you to the best of my abilities. Grant me fortune, and remove all the obstacles from this path and from that of my family's. And if I should falter, may Your hand be there to catch me, and may You help me regain my footing. May this be your will."
Right now, there is a special sale for the "World Peace" prayer: just $3.95 a month, which is a savings of $3.05 a month. Can you really put a price on world peace?
I might suggest that they add a prayer like this: "Lord, please make Obama fail. Frustrate his efforts, spoil his wicked designs, keep him from receiving credit for accomplishing anything worthwhile for our country." I'm sure that would be very popular among Rush Limbaugh listeners, and they could, perhaps, use premium pricing.
The website notes that if your children don't pray anymore, no problem--just create an account for them, and God will be receiving prayers from them every day, whether they know it or not.
Prayers are divided according to religion--Protestant, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Unaffiliated, and "Other Religions." So we're talking about a very customized type of God notification. (In case you're wondering, the Muslim prayer for world peace says nothing about slaying infidels.)
The website explains, "Information Age Prayer was founded in 2009 with the aim of helping those who are unable to pray as frequently as they would like. By using the latest technology in text-to-speech synthesizers we are able to provide the service at very affordable rates. Also, 10% of subscription fees are donated to charity." They view this as a prayer supplement, not as a total replacement for traditional prayer. It is intended to "extend and strengthen" your connection with God. I am humbled by their godly approach and sensitivity.
A disclaimer says they don't guarantee that the prayers will work, so don't think about getting your money back if you don't win the lottery. "The final results are up to God," they say. But, "It is our opinion that the omniscient God hears the prayers when they are voiced, as He hears everything on this Earth. The omniscient God knows exactly who has subscribed and who each prayer is from when their name is displayed on screen and their prayer voiced."
I personally would prefer some kind of Seal of Approval from God, perhaps a brief tribute in Morgan Freeman's voice, to assure me that God is on board with this venture. But hey, we need to maintain some element of mystery in our digitized existence.
In the future, they hope to offer the option of saying customized prayers. So, for instance, I could write out a prayer for each of our missionaries--just once--and then have that prayer uttered via voice synthesizer to the Almighty every single day, so that I can spend more time listening to Mike & Mike on ESPN.
You may think I'm making this up. But I wouldn't joke around about prayer.
Career-wise, I've been hanging around and writing about and cheering on churches and pastors for the past 25 years as my denomination's Communications Director.
How do they work the prayers for sports teams to win the Super Bowl, NBA championship, etc. Do you get a refund when your team loses, becauses while all coaches give God the glory when they win, they don't seem to eager to do so when they lose.
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